Beautiful and Bipolar

The Hardest Part..

Of this whole ordeal the hardest thing is getting over the hate in my mind.
The constant swirling chaos trying to re-stock, re-organize & feel alive.
This isn’t the first time I think I’ve lost my center…
To begin the unwinding of the untruth, you must feel the persistence of the truth.
It hurts even friend of years become strangers and lovers become haters.
Yes, glowing is the word…you come off glowing…
Because you discovered the truth.

And of everything the hardest thing to do is rid of this hate in my mind.

Left so long…

Left for so long
I cam so far

RN
Stronger
Wiser

Without losing love, but without losing this hate
I am finding ways to empty it.

To allow the light & love I wish to give shine through & out.

Happy New Year.

The Queen Won

Go against the Queen & the court will banish you.

My life is in a jury’s hands.

My life will end by your hands,

I have no doubt of that in my mind.

Incarceration is the only cure of

my paranoia, for it is getting to the best of me.

I don’t want to live this way any more.

If my scars, my bruises, my emotions are not enough

there will be more of them to come.

My eulogy will be satisfactory

at least to me.

I’m losing energy.

Honestly I was hoping…

If justice would see itself through, they would understand by now the story that unfolds within that court room is only truth.

But, in the U.S. of A, you may hold your own say and contradict such stories that unfold.

Fair is fair, but it’s the jury that sees justice through at this point.

Sometimes I think about if you actually succeded in your second part of your plan within your head.

Honestly, I was hoping you’d kill me for there was no if’s, ands or butts about whether or not you comitted a crime deserving of imprisonment.

Because darling, you falsely imprisoned me, and now more than ever do I want that to come down on you sevenfold.

And honestly I was hoping never to see your face again, but that couldn’t come true could it?

Are you hoping I will break down, settle out, and give you freedom to massacre another’s life as you did mine?

Not only am I protecting myself darling, I’m protecting everyone else who falls within your web, your sociopathic weave.

Now, let’s let this ride long and hard to the end, because to you it’s still a game.

Well, this poker face doesn’t come off because it is no game when your life is part of the rules.

I believe it is all in “how you use it”. Because you see I got off with just my hand and my lil purple vibrating “marble” friend…usually it takes a monster to fulfill my needs…my hand? Surprising. It’s how I used it…I see…now I wonder if it works in any other myth…besides me.

“However when compared, researchers found that heavy drug abuse (specifically cocaine and heroin) by one partner resulted in the most severe injuries to their victims. Furthermore, abusing alcohol and drugs together increased the severity of violence/injuries occurring, whereas the use of marijuana and opiates did not increase or decrease the risk of IPV (Intimate Partner Violence). Although substance abuse is not the exact cause of violence between partners, it serves to magnify other problems in the household/between the partners, and provides a strong link between IPV and substance abuse (Stalans & Ritchie, 2008).”

Even if it isn’t a decrease, it is within the “norms”. Why is alcohol legal again?

Oh, how I adore education.